Big Day

Today was the day. I've been dreading it for about six months.

A few years ago we noticed this funny little thing Grey did when he watched TV. He pointed his chin down and looked from the top of his eyeballs at the screen. Quirky. Funny. Cute. Turns out it was actually his way of compensating for some muscle issues he had going on in his eye. About a year ago I started noticing that he'd cross his left eye in. I'd tell him to quit and he would, and that was that. But his pediatrician told me it's not possible for him to do that on purpose. Clearly, however, I know more about children's anatomy than a doctor who's been practicing for (possibly) 30 or 40 years. So I just ignored it.

Turns out he was right! We took him to Vanderbilt Eye Institute in April, and after a three hour appointment with multiple opinions, I was stunned to find out he'd have to have surgery to fix it. I was thinking worst-case scenario would be glasses. We went back two months later for a visit to confirm his measurements, and they still suggested surgery. Whew boy.

Todd and Grey waiting for the doctors.

We put it off as long as we could for a variety of reasons (Todd's work, no swimming for two weeks after surgery, etc.) Today was the day. I kept it together pretty well until last night, then I just worried about my baby going under anesthesia. Had dreams during the night that'd we'd sent him off to college at age 6 and couldn't find him in his dorms. Woke up at 4:30 am and couldn't get back to sleep. Worried.

But, when we left the house at 5:30 for Vanderbilt Children's Hospital I'd switched into "fake it till you make it" mode and was doing well. Grey was a super trooper. He got a little clingy after the 10th doctor had come in to ask the same questions, but other than that he was great. I highly suggest scheduling surgery first thing in the morning--makes it easier, I'm convinced.

Vanderbilt is a great place, and they truly know how to communicate with kids about their medical condition. There were cozy coupes in the rooms for them to ride around in. Grey got to watch TV. His stuffed lion, Radar, got his own ID bracelet just like Grey. A lady came by and showed him photos of all the rooms he'd be in and then let him pick out the flavor of chapstick he wanted to rub on the mask they'd use for his anesthesia. It was all very relatable.

I'm seeing now, even as I type this, the blessing that his false diagnosis of asthma was when he was a baby. He still remembers the "fish face"--his breathing machine. He wasn't scared at all of the anesthesia mask because it was so similar to his nebulizer. Little mercies.

Post-surgery with Dr. Radar. Love that they dressed his toy up like this while he was back there. Grey had a bite of popsicle in his mouth in this picture. He was too tired to keep his eyes open, but he was awake.

All this to say, at the end of the day we had a little guy with blood-tinged eyes but a huge heart and strong backbone. He never complained once. He wanted to visit with his brother and sister. He wanted to eat the spaghetti and meatballs because Grama had made it for him and it was his favorite, even though he'd just thrown up. He encouraged his sister, who thought it was now her turn to go have surgery, that it was okay because she wouldn't remember anything. And he fell asleep in Grama's lap, just like he used to when he was a baby. Nothing like going through surgery to remind you how wonderful your kids are and how much you love them. And nothing like spending a day at the children's hospital to remember just how blessed you are.